Wake Up, Millennials!

by J.R. Holmsted

So I’ve got a bone to pick with Millennials.

[FULL DISCLOSURE: I am one. Barely. I turn my nose up at the label. As an early 80s kid, I more readily identify with my cousins born in the 70s than my cousins born in the 90s or 2000s that I’m supposedly in the same generation with. Blech.]

Anyway, I’m disappointed in my generation. They are FEELING THE BERN. (Literally, millennials have been diagnosed with more STDs than any other age demographic, but moving on…)

I call us the “Unicorns and Rainbows” generation. Millennials prove to be idealistic, temperamental, and full of drive for things they want other people to fund. Whether that be a passion for their art or their love of continuing and continuing and continuing their education, they want someone else to be on the hook for their survival. And a padded one, at that.

Lo and behold, Bernie Sanders comes along. THIS GUY! Never mind that he is the first person to gain traction running for President of the Unites States as a self-proclaimed SOCIALIST. Say wut? Yeah, that guy just won a primary.

So why does he appeal to such a large percentage of my fellow millennials? Short answer: Fairytales.

He wants to give away other people’s money. Who will it benefit? Floundering women’s and arts studies graduates. Okay, also other liberal arts majors and my otherwise unemployable peers with “degrees.”

He wants to eradicate student loan debt by making college free. All our problems are solved! Right?!? Gotta love a policy that renders your hard earned degree useless by oversaturating the market! 

He wants to hit the greedy capitalists who horde their money. Bastards. Because they are directly responsible for child poverty. Or something. Also, FAIR IS FAIR. Didn’t his mom ever tell him? Life isn’t fair. He actually tried to say our country was founded on fairness in his NH victory speech. No, dude. Let me make this explicitly clear:

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY DOES NOT MEAN EQUAL OUTCOME.

There are no guarantees. You are your own insurance policy. Speaking of insurance…Bernie is for single payer healthcare. Few of my peers understand this concept. They think it just means they will pay for what they need. For reallllzzz.

You like your paycheck? Well, you can’t keep your paycheck. Because FAIR.

He wants special consideration for race, gender, and sexual preference. Cute, but equality is not what the SJW wants. They want an outright takeover and new definitions of words.

Bernie believes in negotiating with terrorists. TERRORISTS. He supported and encouraged the Iran deal. He wants us to make peace with those that wish to blow us to smithereens. You cannot negotiate with those that seek to end your very way of life. But unicorns and rainbows, right?!?

All in all, millennials are being suckered by his “straight” talking, anti-Wall Street, America owes YOU something rhetoric. It may sound nice. It may feel good. But what will it cost?

Our liberty. Our unique American identity. Our EVERYTHING.

Step away from your liberal university education for one hot second and THINK.

THIS IS NOT THE FOUNDATION OF AMERICA.