Take it for Granite Results

By William McRight

 As we spend the next several hours (days?) dissecting crosstabs, exit polls, demographic splits, prevailing atmospheric conditions in Hooksett and how to find the least inebriated voter to interview at The Thirsty Moose, we now have some results to chew on.

The Petrie Dish:
New Hampshire is a wonderful state. Beautiful mountains, wonderful vistas and scenery, diners apparently on every corner and a hardscrabble blue collar folk who are cool, but a bit wacky. Ok, maybe not nuts, but for sure wacky. But, oh so, liberal with a deep, pulsating streak of libertarian snarliness that is unique to the region.  They are a people who pride themselves on their individuality. They also just set the election on its ear by voting for an AVOWED (avowed means Bernie says, “I am a Socialist” and people cheer) SOCIALIST and the most liberal Republican in the field. By a lot. Let’s take a look under the hood and see if we need a quick oil change or whether we should push the whole thing over Frankenstein Cliff in Hart’s Location.

The Democrats:
As the results pour in the networks are broadcasting a 74-year-old man being cheered by a group of people, most of whom are a third his age or less.  This does not only not compute but it seems like a bizarre scene that a Hollywood editor wisely cut out of “Bullworth.” Has our nation swung so far left that an AVOWED SOCIALIST, who I might add is a violent sneeze away from breaking a hip or cracking a rib, is being cheered like he is the second coming of Leon Trotsky? Is it the feel good message that if we just take some from this pile over here and give it to this group over here everything will be fine? I should also note in his speech, Senator Sanders used the word “oligarchy” thereby sending the aforementioned sycophantic cheering red diaper ninnies scrambling for their evil capitalist iPhones to Google the definition. We could ponder some additional points from the “Victory Speech” but it would like cause your dear author to throw himself out a window. Trust me. All the liberal bilge is there. Climate change. Mass Incarceration. $15 minimum wage. All of it without a shred of commons sense. But oh, the feelings are there. As is The Bern.

And what of Secretary Clinton? New Hampshire is (well…was?) known as “Clinton Country.” Apparently, not no mo’.  One can only imagine that the Situation Room in the White House is now faced with a rough decision on Mrs. Clinton’s fate.  The folder recommending indictment for Mrs. Clinton is probably sitting on Valerie Jarrett’s desk pending tonight’s result. She is a terrible, flawed candidate who is under investigation from the FBI, has not gone six months in thirty years of public life without some sort of scandal darkening her door and may find a way to lose yet another coronation and be “out leftied” by the most improbably goofy candidate. Ever. It has been said Mrs. Clinton’s firewall is the south. It had better boast triple DES encryption and be impenetrable or she is in big, big, trouble.

The Republicans:
Well, New Hampshire you did it. Take a bow. And please don’t stand up from it. As a matter of fact, lie down. You have taken a party supposedly dedicated to smaller government, personal liberty, lower taxes, strong national defense and Constitutional foundational principles and given victory in your primary to a life long hard core liberal. Awesome. Here’s your sign.

Mr. Trump is an anomaly. He is a populist ruffian with a nasty streak of miserable authoritarian garishness. He is capitalizing on a nebulous anger that is pervasive throughout the Republican party. The prescription for what ails the country and the party would most clearly be a generation of principled conservatism.  Instead, we are inching toward jamming a square peg into a round hole because of deals, walls, China and Mexico with a nice smattering of profanity thrown in for passive aggressive measure. Trump’s candidacy and behavior is exactly what is wrong with our country.

In second (or in the Trumpian dialect) two place, New Hampshire delivers us John Kasich. Governor Kasich answered the question on more than one occasion this week, “Why should we pick you over Hillary or Bernie?” How is that for an awful buffet of choices? Two socialists and a big government Republican. Take the Pepto-Bismol preemptively and contemplate that before you pass out. The top two finishers in the New Hampshire Republican primary are a life long radical leftist Democrat who claims to now be conservative and a liberal Republican who never met a program he didn’t want to grow or a Fruit Ninja game he didn’t want to pantomime. If “Win and Place” in this primary does not make you want to gag a little, you are doing it wrong.

Senator Rubio is still reeling from the curb job he got from Governor Christie in the debate. He is a wounded candidate, a very talented and capable one, but wounded the same. The Establishment Wing is in disarray to put it quite mildly. If Carly, Jeb, Ben, John and Chris have any sense and any interest in stopping Trump and getting a true conservative in the White House to save our Republic it may be time for them to take a powder. If they are the usual Establishment Republicans, they will stay in the race for all the wrong reasons and swerve a number of times before they crash into the brick wall with no survivors, including all of us.

Finally, to keep from gargling with a bottle of Draino, the one shining light is the performance of Senator Ted Cruz. In the interest of full disclosure, your author is a rabid Cruz supporter in case you hadn’t figured it out. In a state filled with Fun House Mirror Republicans, Senator Cruz and his disciplined conservative message found a foothold in the land of Misfit Toys. As of this writing, he is holding third place against a strong establishment field whose message was certainly more suited for this electorate.  His PACs spent less than $600k in New Hampshire. He has more money and more ground game than anyone in the race. The Establishment will continue to underestimate him, his following and his electability at their peril.  He will soon don the legendary black ostrich Argument Boots. He will be spoiling for a fight in South Carolina.

Thanks New Hampshire. We love you, but you just gave us all a YUGE headache.