#OTP Issues: Don’t “Ship” My Kid – That’s My Job!

by Kim D.

A huge hat tip to Virginia Kruta for being one of the first to discuss the very odd notion of teachers shipping students. So, exactly what is this? “Shipping” students, a controversial topic currently swirling with opinion on Tumbler, is quite simple. It  is the pairing of students in an attempt to foster possible relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic. Reading, writing, and arithmetic – that was what I received in school, and, call me crazy, it is the role I want educators to play in my son’s life as well. I am not interested in teachers, knowingly or unknowingly, “shipping” my child.

But, hold up, you might say, haven’t teachers always practiced a form of “shipping” when they assign student seating or project collaboration? Yes and no, it all depends on the intent of the teacher assignment. If teachers perceive their role is to help students succeed academically, they may assign weaker students to work alongside stronger ones. This is not practicing overreach into a student’s life. However, if teachers make strategic student pairings with the intent of social engineering, then, yes, the practice has gone too far.

One teacher on Tumbler defended this practice by claiming the act of “shipping” is human nature. The argument is that we all see possible romantic pairings and secretly desire to act in a way that promotes successful relationships. Teachers spend the majority of their working day with children and have a vested interest in seeing them grow academically and socially. This teacher further claimed that her students were always asking for romantic advice, to which she felt justified in giving her version of “Dear Abby.”  In further defense of this action, she simply claims it is helping a student who requests intervention.

What you are asking is for teachers to not act like normal human beings.  You’ve never in your life looked at your friends and thought, “Those two should date,” or “Those two should break up.”  Ever?  EVER?  We spend more time with students than we do with our own families sometimes.  You’re asking us to not notice dynamics.

The term shipping has a sexual connotation to it, no doubt, but I don’t believe for a second any of the tumblr teachers are hoping and helping kids get nooky.  THAT would be creepy.

But you also have to understand just how much some kids ask us to be involved in their lives.  At the high school level, I have girls approach me all the time for relationship advice.  When a girl says, “I have a crush on ____, and I want him to ask me out, what should I do?”  I’m going to give her some Dear Abby.  

But is that a teacher’s job? Should a teacher not refer such student questions back to the parents, encouraging a family values’ dialog? Or, if a student is experiencing issues and is not comfortable discussing romantic issues at home, does the school system not employ counselors who would be better suited to give such advice?

Yes, I know, my son is only five, but the “shipping” in my his life comes from me. I have always been the one who decided the play dates and sent birthday invitations, encouraging my son to develop friendships with both boys and girls, ignoring social, ethnic and economic boundaries. The extra-curricular activities we enjoy as mother and son have introduced us to a wide range of friendships. 

And, yes, I’m more than positive, that my son’s teacher is not interested in pairing preschool students in order to form relationships, although she does seat students strategically to encourage appropriate and academic behavior. The notion that in later years another teacher might see my son, who is rather cute with a charming personality, and wish to see him in a relationship (platonic or romantic) and feel the need to “position” his time in the classroom in order to facilitate the finding of his OTP (one true pairing) is rather creepy. Teachers are, in part, parent employees, paid via taxes or tuition. The job is challenging at times but basically simplistic in theory. Teach children the academic skills needed to be successful in life. Leave the “shipping” or fostering of relationships to parents and counselors.