Boston, Mass., April 21, 2016 — Andrea Andreeson, 64, has written a tell-all book
confessing to cheating her employer for 25 years by playing a game instead of
working.
How Spider Solitaire Saved My Sanity is available on Amazon.com, both Kindle and
print versions. The old spinster says she took the job because she thought she
could meet highly eligible husband material in the workplace. As she says in
her book, “I never intended to be at this job for long. I was pretty, and
of an age to still be viable. I knew C-Tap Corporation attracted smart men who
needed wives to help them advance their careers by throwing parties for clients
and bosses. I was that woman.”
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| Andrea Andreeson demonstrates how she could look busy to the boss casually walking by. She was quick to point out that she kept the back of the monitor toward the boss’ line of sight. |
Though she also confesses to —
and gives some darn good details about — several affairs of the heart, alas,
none ever lasted for too long, much less led to the marriage her heart coveted.
As the years passed, and not being the least bit interested in her job, she
passed the time away by playing Spider Solitaire on the company provided
computer.
Andreeson said, “Frankly, when I first started playing
the game on the computer, I did it because my job duties were light, and I
wasn’t going to go looking for more work, that would be stupid. But I was
bored. Then, of course, when that first affair ended, I was devastated. Playing
[the game] helped take my mind off my troubles, you know? I could see so many
married men were unhappy with their wives. I knew I could be that thing that could
complete them.” But time after time, she was wrong.
As
outlined in her book, she said there came a time when she realized the company
was not doing enough to attract single men to the workforce. She felt they had
tricked her into coming to work for them and that, therefore, they owed her
since the percentage of men they hired (99.75 percent) were married, and the
0.20 percent of the single men were gay, thereby bringing down the ratio
of single woman to eligible single man.
“I
have no guilt associated with cheating [C-Tap]. I deserved every penny I got
out of them. They should be happy I didn’t sue them,” said Andreeson.
Researchers
have been quick to point out that it is impossible to get accurate statistics
about this workplace time waster because Spider Solitaire is housed on
local machines needing no Internet connection, therefore access is
untraceable.
Walter Gilson Ph.D., professor emeritus from MIT,
said, “I wanted my thesis to be on the subject of Spider Solitaire as played at
work during hours employees were on the clock. It was my contention that
employees wasted time because of certain deep psychological needs. I believed
if we could identify those needs then we could tweak the workplace to
accommodate those psychosis, and therefore employers could get value for
the hourly rate they paid people they hired.”
Dr. Gilson submitted his outline to his peer
committee, then quickly and quietly was informed he should, as he told this
reporter, “Drop the subject, as there are things here you do not want to
understand and that should never come to light.”
It
is possible Andreeson’s book has turned a bright light onto the
reason the researchers did not want Gilson to study the subject: Women’s
rights activists would have come out of the woodwork to sue the
university. They knew they would lose in the court of public opinion, their
insurance rates would rise because of the lawsuit, and the go-away money pot
was getting smaller by the day.
C-suite executives at C-Tap Corporation (NYSE: CTAP)
declined to comment with this written statement sent by email, “We decline to
comment.”
In the meantime, Andrea Andreeson is enjoying her
retirement knowing that in the long run she “…stuck it to The Man but
good.”
For those interested in the
history of the computer game, please click this link here.
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