It’s a College Student…Hide Your Wallets!

by Meg Dare

Meg Dare here.  I’m a college student. Wait, wait, wait! Before you hide your wallet and click away from this page, I’m not like most college students. Your wallet is safe with me, no worries. Seriously. I don’t expect you to pay for any gender studies or cultural awareness courses. I don’t think you should help fund my trip to Europe. And I don’t think you should pay for any sexual escapades I may or may not regret at the local frat house. Okay, we cool?

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I know you’re thinking I must be as mythical as the unicorn. I admit, there are a very small number of us who think like this, but we exist. I think I can speak on behalf of the Constitutional conservative college students and say that we think sticky-fingered, entitled higher-education-whiners put Victorian pickpockets like The Artful Dodger to shame. Plus you couldn’t be mad at that face, just look at him. College students are looking more and more like science fiction beasts complete with strange odors harkening to the 70’s Hippie Era.

I was debating the topic of taxation (your wallets) with a college friend the other day. She insisted that European Socialism is the bomb. Best thing since Fig Newtons, not to be confused with Wayne Newton…and especially not to be confused with Wayne Newton covered in fig leaves.  I apologize for the image. Anyway, my friend thinks numerous things from higher education to healthcare to birth-control to abortion, etc. should be paid for by the government, i.e. taxpayers. But she also thinks it is none of taxpayers’ business how others live their lives. I was flabbergasted. I said, “So let me get this straight. You want people to pay for your life choices and shut up about them?” She nodded as if what I said wasn’t heinously ironic.

Millennials and modern college students screech for freedom (having things handed to them is the equivalent to freedom in their minds) and forget about freedom’s sadly ignored cousin: responsibility. You know, he’s the one at Thanksgiving who has to sit at the kiddie table because there aren’t enough chairs. People interrupt him when he has a hilarious story, while forgetting to pass him the cranberries too. He also gets picked last in gym class.

To paraphrase our Founding Fathers, freedom must always be coupled with responsibility; otherwise we create these self-important, entitled, childish “adults” who constantly have a hand out and a belligerent attitude. But don’t mind me, I’m just one of the few who think responsibility is worth hanging out with and is not so bad at dodgeball, either.

By the way, your license is about to expire and you have a lovely family.