Saturday, June 27, 2015

Bottoms Up! A Guide to Surviving Your Husband's Colonoscopy

by Kim D.

My husband has been rather difficult for months. Actually, he has been a complete jerk. When I had finally had enough and my inner Leo began roaring back, he finally admitted he had a problem. For at least a month he had been bleeding every time he had "to go." Of course I told him what he already knew - he had to go to the doctor, who prescribed the thing he's been dreading for seven years. He needed to have that colonoscopy which was highly recommended when he turned 50. 

Unfortunately, this meant I would be having one too, at least in spirit. Now that the procedure is done and four polyps have been removed, we are still waiting for biopsy results; however, the good news (and bad news) is that the bleeding was caused by internal hemorrhoids. All in all, the process leading up to the procedure is the worse part, and some basic steps can make the experience much easier. 

1. Check your marriage license and read the fine print. I know somewhere in mine it states that in the case of bad or questionable health, I promise to research, prepare, and administer to any and all issues my husband has. Once he had made his colonoscopy appointment and was given instructions, he passed them along to figure them out.

2. Know your husband's family health history. I know my family's health history but never considered that I should ask about his. During this process, we discovered that his paternal grandfather had colon cancer. Had I known this I would have bitched him into having colonoscopy when he turned 50. Once I knew my husband was experiencing bleeding in his stools, I immediately thought the worst: colon cancer. This possible diagnosis initiated the first of many sleepless nights.

3. If you are unfamiliar with the procedure, begin asking questions from friends and family. A colonoscopy doesn't make for pleasant conversation, but once you bring up the subject, you will find most are willing to talk and reveal the down and dirty details. One of my neighbors suggested I read a piece written by the humorist Dave Barry.



4. Do some research. Reading Barry's column to my husband helped somewhat. Being reassured that he would feel nothing and be unaware during the colonoscopy provided some anxiety relief. However, the cleansing process described raised new concerns. My husband was prescribed SUPREP which was to be the instigator of the nuclear intestinal bomb required to cleanse his system. My neighbor had told me that this was the worst part because of the incredible putrid taste of the medicine. However, she had been prescribed GoLightly, a similar cleansing product.  Let me assure you that with SUPREP this step in the process has been greatly improved. It has a berry smell/taste, and when mixed with cold water and chilled for several hours, my husband was able to chug his first dose (a pint) with ease in a matter of seconds.

5. Begin the cleansing process the week before. Had I known this, I would not have fed him a huge meal the night before prep was to begin. Secretly, though, he deserved this, so this step is optional. Eating a light diet, high in fiber, will clear out some of the junk. Also, adding Miralax to food will help.

6. Prepare a good shopping list. The day before the colonoscopy, the diet is highly restricted to clear liquids only. Broth is basically substituted for meals and beverages should contain no dyes, especially red or purple. This was the biggest sacrifice for my husband who enjoys one or two classes of red wine nightly. You could buy your husband some cartons of chicken broth, or be kind and make homemade. Luckily my neighbor makes her own broth, which is rich in flavor, and shared plenty with me. I bought Ginger ale, clear Gatorade, and a case of water and stocked the fridge. Hours before ingesting the SUPREP, he also needed to take two Ducolax and a bottle of lemon-flavored Magnesium Citrate, which is truly the worst part and is assured to make your loved one gag. Also recommended are plenty of flushable wipes which will be kinder than regular toilet paper to the rear after numerous trips to the bathroom once the SUPREP kicks in and the extreme cleansing process begins.

7. Leave the house! This is a very important step, especially if you have young children. If your husband like to read, buy him some magazines. If not, get some DVDs or start him on a good Netflix series which he can pause and/or rewind when needed. Privacy is the best gift you can give someone going through the cleansing process which will last for several hours.

8. Tell your loved one to avoid the Internet or news, especially the day before or day of the procedure. My husband's procedure was at 7 am and he was awake and watching the early morning news. Unfortunately, one of the stories was about a patient who had recently sued his doctor after a bad colonoscopy experience.  This, of course, renewed his anxiety.


9.  Plan ahead for the next day's meal. I wasn't thinking about this. Of course he would be starving after the procedure. I was expecting him to come home and go straight to bed and sleep off the anesthesia. No luck here - he wanted a huge breakfast once we were home by 9 am. I scrambled to make his breakfast before I had to take my son to camp by 9:30.  I should have made a breakfast casserole the day before or bought a quiche.

10. Buy a bottle of Probiotics (which will promote good colon health) and your favorite bottle of spirits and give yourself a pat on the back. Bottoms up! You've successfully made it through your husband's colonoscopy. If you are like me, you will be emotionally drained and exhausted, but hopefully, things will soon be back to normal and the sleepless nights of worry (three week's worth for me) will be over.

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