Wimp Scouts Association Bans Water Gun Fights and Restricts Water Balloon Size

by Kim D.

The weekend, in honor of Memorial Day, I think as a family we are going to take it easy, smoke some ribs on the Barbie, and have a gigantic water balloon and water gun fight. I discussed the idea with my husband and five-year-old son last night, and they wholeheartedly agreed that this would be a stellar plan. And, I would like to thank the Wimp Scouts, aka Boy Scouts, for giving me the idea.

My father was an Eagle Scout and still proudly has memorabilia from these good old days of boyhood. Although he is now 78, I bet if I called him out of blue and asked him if he remembered the motto/promise he learned as a young boy, these words would effortlessly flow over his tongue:

On my honor, I will do my best To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

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Unfortunately, these days those in charge of The Boy Scouts are none other than politically driven hacks, hell bent on destroying the fun of simply being a child. According to the most recent "National Shooting Sports Manual," published by Boy Scouts of America, water gun fights are no longer allowed. Instead, page 99 of the manual states:

Water guns and rubber band guns must only be used to shoot at targets, and eye protection must be worn.

Then what's the point of having a water gun which has traditionally allowed kids to "pretend shoot" without harm. Oh, that's right. If we allow boys to use water guns, they won't be able to distinguish the difference between that and a "real" gun. This precaution is to prevent our sons from going on a rampage and busting up some "real" caps, endangering and threatening "real" lives. Wait . . . what was that motto again?

On my honor, I will do my best To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

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But . . . wait . . . the fun squelching has just begun.  Page 100 of the manual continues with a focus on water balloons:

For water balloons, use small, biodegradable balloons, and fill them no larger than a ping pong ball. Do not aim any shooting device at a person. Never shoot any projectile, even if it is soft or seems to be harmless,at or near people, animals, or personal property. This includes water balloons.

So, I guess that the water balloons would be thrown at a target or used in a "who can throw it furthest" game? I have a sneaking suspicion that any time boys and water balloons are mixed, at least one, if not several, kids will be struck by an errant pitch. And, I'll test my theory this weekend, but I bet that a small, ping-pong-sized water balloon can be thrown easier, faster, and harder than one filled to max capacity.  If my theory proves valid, congrats Wimp Scouts for making the fun of water balloons potentially more dangerous. Stay tuned . . .