What is up with millennials, anyway?

By Mouser the King Cat

Writing for the New York Post, Johnny Oleksinski offers a succinct take on the hard-to-understand millennial generation: They suck. From the article, in which he describes The Lousiest Generation: 

At 26, I’m stuck in the middle of the world’s most maligned, mocked and discussed age group. And I hate it. Imagine being forever lumped into a smug pack of narcissists who don’t just ignore the past, but openly abhor anyone and everything that came before them. … This is my number one rule: Do whatever millennials don’t. Definite no-nos include quitting a job or relationship the moment my mood drops from ecstatic to merely content; expecting the world to kowtow to my every childish whim; and assuming that I am always the most fascinating person in the room, hell, the ZIP code.

There are no precise starting and ending birthdates for millennials (first known as Generation Y), but 1983 to 1995 looks like a good guess. That would make them 21 to 33. Sounds about right; you all suck, and that goes double for special snowflakes on college campuses studying to be baristas at Starbucks. Back to the article: 

Perhaps their messiah complex is a result of being coddled, petted and worshiped like toy poodles from infancy all the way to college. Pundits love to cite soccer participation trophies as the downfall of Western civilization – but it gets even worse. Last week, Hastings High School in Westchester, N.Y., handed out 87 commendations at its Senior Awards ceremony. The graduation class size? 141 teens.

Needless to say, millennials’ attitudes aren’t going down well in workplaces, where bosses tend to be older and suspicious of serial job hoppers. More from Mr. Oleksinski: One friend of mine has tackled six different jobs in two years, which seems more stressful than just sticking with one less-than-perfect spot for a while. How long should any person stay in a gig? At least 18 months, according to most career experts. Think of it as binge-working.

Finally, he has some advice for peers, guaranteed to fall on deaf ears: Action item one: Stop blaming everybody. Don’t blame the big banks, don’t blame your mom, don’t blame the baby boomers, don’t blame your employer, your landlord, the economy … By absolving ourselves of responsibility, we’ve become forever 8-year-olds, tattling on the world in hopes it will better our situation. It won’t. It will only make it crummier.

Now that he has spoken his mind, Mr. Oleksinski notes that friends might label him an “old soul” or “26 going on 76.” He should take that as a compliment and tell them to get off his lawn.