Yeah it's Satire . . . but Israel Should Place Gorillas Near Gaza

by Kim D.

These days I almost prefer to read satire than the drivel from the mainstream media. For example, what if Israel placed gorillas near Gaza in an attempt to prevent being pummeled by Hamas rocket fire? Wouldn't the rest of the world then be outraged by the death of lovable beasts who would certainly perish?

This theory, from The Mideast Beast, is satire at its finest:

Looking to raise awareness and concern over the flood of rockets launched from the Gaza Strip for the past decade, Israel has decided to place gorillas throughout the communities and neighboring towns surrounding Gaza.

“For years we’ve highlighted the deaths of innocent men, women, and children from these rockets, but people throughout Europe and on college campuses in the U.S. continued to support Hamas,” a spokesman for the Israeli government told The Mideast Beast. “After seeing the outpouring of anger over the death of Harambe the gorilla, we realized we’ve been doing it all wrong.”

Israel will now place a handful of gorillas in Ashdod, Ashkelon, Sderot and other communities in the south that have seen a high number of rocket attacks. While Hamas publicly insists the move won’t change its military approach, some Hamas commanders expressed concern in private conversations.

I see you nodding your head and appreciating the logic of this proposal. It's similar to that of the abortion debate - those who have no problems whatsoever snuffing out the life of an unborn child are hysterically outraged that a gorilla lost its life in order to save a child.  

“If one of our rockets were to kill a gorilla, we would completely alienate our core support base of 18 to 22-year-old left-wing American Facebook commenters,” one senior Hamas official told The Mideast Beast off record. “That’s not a risk we can take lightly.”

In response, Hamas has announced plans to acquire relatives of Cecil the Lion to place in Gaza neighborhoods in order to encourage Israeli airstrikes. “Using Cecil’s relatives as human shields will certainly work to help us convince the international community to ostracize Israel, as it has the dentist who killed Cecil. Plus, we’ll have more children around whose spare hands we could use to dig tunnels. So, you know, win–win!”

Heh :-)