Biscuits in the oven, buns in the bed

ROTW Contributor: Angela Durden

With apologies to Kinky Friedman for changing his brilliant lyrics, but hey…

You uppity artists, we don’t understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like you am
the same as us labels, yer stirring up a stink
so, occupy the basement, and don’t try to think.

“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed,”
That’s what we to you songwriters said,
“Technology and such is a-going to yer head…
“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed.”

You got your teams out on the street
Passing out flyers to everyone they meet.
“Come hear these songs, you know he’s gonna vent!”
And now the front of your house is a big old tent.

It’s no use ‘cuz every single artist that’s ever come along
Had a giant label always giving him a song.
Sony wooed an artist, “I promise you’re the boss”
And shut him down when he got cross.

“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed,”
That’s what we to you songwriters said,
“Technology and such is a-going to yer head…
“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed.”

You keep saying it’s The Bigs breaking all the laws
Tearing up contracts and a-yelling yee-haw,
But let us tell you we’re nice and our business is clean
And your silly efforts are making us lose green.

You think yer so smart and our ways are shoddy,
So damned independent in your mind and body
You got to love the major labels or
We’ll sour all of yer deals. OH!

“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed,”
That’s what we to you songwriters said,
“Technology and such is a-going to yer head…
“Git those songs in the pipeline and splits in the shed.”

(So sorry, Kinky, but I just had to.)